Five Surgeons

The first surgeon says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded.'

The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts – the mouth and the asshole, and best of all, they are interchangeable'

Children

GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students... here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was ' DON'T!'

'Don't what ?' Adam replied..

'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.' God said.

'Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve. we have forbidden fruit! '

' No Way!'

'Yes way!'

'Do NOT eat the fruit ' said God.

'Why? '

'Because I am your Father and I said so! '

God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?' God asked.

'Uh huh,' Adam replied.

'Then why did you?' said the Father.

'I don't know,' said Eve.

'She started it!' Adam said.

'Did not! '

'Did too! '

'DID NOT! '

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your nursing home one day;

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS

ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN'
AND 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN'!!!!!

5 NUNS IN TOWN

Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances, & Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St. Patrick's Cathedral in the big city and were sight -seeing on a Tuesday in July. It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Paddy McGuire's Pub for a cold soft drink.

Paddy had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the fashion world. All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through the front door .

They, too, came for a cold drink when they were shocked and almost fainted at what they saw.

(scroll down)

















GIVE US A SENSE OF HUMOUR LORD ,
GIVE US THE GRACE TO SEE A JOKE,
TO GET SOME HUMOUR OUT OF LIFE,
AND PASS IT ON TO OTHER FOLK

STUNNING SENIOR MOMENT

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited
Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with DSL, bsp; light-speed processing ....and," pausing to take another drink of beer.

The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young.....so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shit, what are you doing for the next generation?"

The applause was resounding...

I love senior citizens ..